the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
