Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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