I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
