just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
