New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
