you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize