Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
