Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
