u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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