i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
