oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
