Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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