i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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