2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
