Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
