I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize