I want to make a zoo with you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
