my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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