finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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