He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize