my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
