thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
