evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
no, he came in my armpit
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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