I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
