as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
