Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
