yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
