There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
