she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
