i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
