Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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