There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.