By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"