happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
reminds me of losing my job
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.