No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.