when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.