In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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