so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
