His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
