If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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