I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
