omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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