the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
