Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
