Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
