seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize