why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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