Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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