I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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