Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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