Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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