I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize