why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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