She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
