I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
