kristin has been a bad kristin
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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