yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
