You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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