Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
