That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
