Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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