I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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