rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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